Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
