somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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