I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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