theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
