I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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