Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
