3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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