She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How's work?
Spinning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
