My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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