i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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