you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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