Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
