that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i think i just lost a toe
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
