John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
