Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
