I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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