i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
