This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
