so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
