I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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