For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
