he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
