therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I deserve this hangover.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
