i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
