that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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