you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
please don't ironically join a cult
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