I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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