you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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