Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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