dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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