Where is the hickey?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
