I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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