guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
