Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize