You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
