also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
