Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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