She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
