No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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