dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
