this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
