so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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