I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
