We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
