I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize