your parents love me but you hate me
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
