That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
