member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
