I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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