my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
