if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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