i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
