I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
