Say something about gay babies.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
