Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
