Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
