yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
