Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry about my life...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I enjoy the company of your penis
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