Your face is a jimmy john
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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