Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
