i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
