he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
