Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
