So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
FUCK WHALES
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
