Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
