i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
