I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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