Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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