I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
