I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
