I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
