What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
